LoseLose
by shadowsthatwere
Summary: An AU from Lori's perspective. I get tired of all the Lori hate and namecalling, SO: what if she'd lived up to her reputation? Here's a look at how an affair between Lori and Shane might've gone down pre-ZA , including the reasons for and the ramifications of their choices. Lori/Shane, Lori/Rick.
1. Chapter 1

**A/N:** A big thank you to **PTW** for beta-ing. And a special thanks to **Rachel** for helping me to realize that Lori/Shane is, in fact, very awesome.

**Note:** language and sex, so don't read on if either of those offend you.

_Take me wherever you want _is what she told him. Lori looks down at her hands wringing anxiously in her lap as she feels the car come to a stop. Shane puts it in park and turns the ignition off.

_Why did you text him? Why are you here?_

'Here' is a park about 20 minutes from where they live. It's just about dusk, but the local cops never patrol the area so there's no threat of being kicked out. Or discovered. They're parked along a dirt road, about half a mile down; just far enough off the beaten path, far enough out of the sights of the high school kids who come here to fog up the windows in their parents' cars.

They're alone.

For what feels like a lifetime, there's only silence. Finally, she breaks it. "We had another fight. Well, I had another fight. He just sat there and said nothin', like he usually does." Her voice trails off, nervously.

More silence.

Even though there isn't much light left, she knows he's looking at her. She _feels_ it, the way she has always been able to. If his eyes could burn a hole right through her, they'd have done it a long time ago. She doesn't return the favor, just bites her lip before asking, "Are _you _gonna say anything?"

"You gonna look at me then?" His quick response startles her, but she finally complies. He's giving her one of his many famous looks: one eyebrow-raised, mouth slightly-opened. "What am I s'posed to say, huh? What would be an acceptable conversation for you right now, Lori?"

She hangs for a moment on the perfect sound of her name leaving his lips and closes her eyes, opening them again before she answers blankly, "I don't know, Shane. _Something_."

He rubs his head, then licks his lips, the way he always does when he's irked by something, irritated. She looks away. _This shouldn't be so difficult. People do this all the time, _she tells herself.

"Something, huh? I gotta be honest, that don't help me much." She watches from the corner of her eye as he fidgets, but then regains his composure, and she jumps because suddenly, there's a hand on her thigh. _His_ hand. _Her_thigh. "So, are we finally gonna do this? 'Cuz I…I can't play these games anymore." His voice is low and cracks a bit on the word 'games.'

That they'd been 'playing games' was an understatement. Things between she and Rick had gotten very complicated. They'd dated for three years and married young, when she was twenty-one and he was twenty-five. Now after nearly four years with him, it became very clear to her that she had no idea what the hell she was even doing with her life. She had everything on the surface: a beautiful home and a gorgeous cop husband who made just enough money that she didn't have to work. They'd talked about wanting to have kids soon so she could be a stay-at-home mom. "You'll be such a great mother, Lori," Rick told her.

Everything was perfect except _something _was missing. She couldn't put her finger on it, but things just weren't what she'd hoped they'd be upon marrying him. Rick worked a lot, constantly picking up overtime and extra shifts. Ironically, he told her that he wanted "to give her the things she wanted," when what she really wanted, really needed, was him- some attention, some affection. The sex with him was never Earth-shattering to begin with (then again, she'd had nothing else to compare it to, seeing as he'd been her first and only), but as of recently, it'd become almost non-existent, minus the occasional routine quickie.

She swears to herself that she never looked at Shane inappropriately before all…_this_, though it was obvious to her that he had. Rick, of course, didn't see it; he trusted his best friend since high school, trusted him with his life, and quite literally, seeing as they spent years as partners on the job. And Shane had always just been there, coming over for dinner, walking in without knocking; hell, sometimes they'd wake up and he'd be passed out drunk on their couch, shirt off, pants half-undone.

She swears she didn't stare.

All…_this_. About a month ago, their shifts got switched up; when Rick was at work, mostly working nights, Shane was home, and he would still show up unannounced, for dinner or whatever; he only lived five minutes away. Lori tried to pretend like it was nothing, no big deal, but inside she was starved for attention, craved it. And Shane gave it to her. He'd flirted with her, with everyone, for as long as she'd known him; it's just who he was: a big, flirty slut.

So one day, she flirted back.

At first, it appeared to take him by surprise, like he wasn't expecting it to be reciprocated. She didn't understand; wasn't this what she was supposed to do? She remembers having asked him about it once over an awkwardly-quiet dinner. "Did I like, do something wrong?"

"No," he said, shifting uneasily before looking at her. "Lori, it's..._Rick_. Maybe this isn't..."

"I know," she cut him off. "I know."

There was even a period of about a week where she'd expected him to show up, but he didn't. And then? He did.

She _felt_ it; it was like he _knew_. He knew she was unhappy being the dutiful, supportive wife of someone who would never be able to give her what she really wanted. _Needed_. He knew there was something smoldering inside of her that was screaming to be reignited, so he stoked it. The day after a conversation, during which she'd vented about Rick not doing the little things for her anymore, flowers appeared at her doorstep with an anonymous card attached that read, 'Because the little things matter.'

"Those are pretty," Rick said when he noticed them sitting on the nightstand. "Who are those from?"

"Um...my mom," she bit back a smile, never looking up. "You know how she is."

Then things started to get more complicated. Shane would text her several times throughout the day. _I miss you_, or, _Literally can NOT stop thinking about your smile_. Their conversations started to consist mainly of things they had no business talking about; she'd vent about Rick's lack of motivation in the bedroom, and Shane would detail his own sexual conquests and watch her squirm. Suddenly, their hugs goodbye were a little tighter, lasting a little longer each time, he was brushing her hair out of her face while kissed her on the cheek...but they never, _ever _took it any further.

She told herself it was all just innocent at first, that they were only playing a game. Her fights with Rick became more frequent; she'd find any excuse to nitpick, because deep down, she _wanted_ him to yell, wanted him to get mad and maybe slam her up against a wall and fuck her from behind, the way she imagined Shane would. She wanted Rick to show some _fucking signs of life_. But that wasn't him; she knew that.

Her text to Shane tonight read: _Be over in 5. Get in the car….take me wherever you want.  
_  
And? Here they are.

She hesitantly places her hand on top of his; their fingers interlock gently. "Ok," she manages to get out, voice almost a whisper.

She's pretty sure she hears him say, "Come here," but before she even really knows what's happening, he's leaning over to her side of the car and his lips are pressed against hers. They both moan a little at the long-awaited, long-anticipated feeling. Both of his hands are on the back of her neck, pulling her deeper into him. She's paralyzed; her hands stay at her sides as she feels his tongue rub hers. She instantly sizes him up against Rick and determines that he's an amazing kisser; less stubble, lips fuller, tongue's thicker, and it moves slower, with much more intensity, with purpose. She's on fire, feels herself getting wetter with every movement of his tongue against hers. As his lips move across her face, stopping briefly at her ear and then down to her neck, she can't shake the uncomfortable feeling of knowing this is wrong but being utterly powerless to stop it.

"Shane?" she breathes heavily, trying to protest as she feels his left hand sliding down her body, across her thigh, and ultimately stopping between her legs. She moans slightly as she feels him grabbing, thumbing at her through her jeans. She wonders if he can tell how turned on she is. He breaks contact with her neck and maneuvers his right hand to meet his left, now working in tandem at the button of her pants. There's barely any light left now, but she watches his eyes, fixated on getting her pants open. He pauses for a moment and looks up at her. "Are you ok with this? We can stop if you're not."

She nods. "'Bout as ok as I'm gonna be."

"I know." He continues; he's got the button open and slides the zipper down, exposing her underwear. She moves her hand over and places it in his lap, finally touching him, while his slides in between her underwear and her skin. Her eyes snap open and a million thoughts begin to flood her mind at once: _He's so confident…holy shit, his dick is huge…what are you actually going to let happen here…you're married…what about Rick…what the fuck is wrong with you…how far are you going to let this go…?  
_  
"Shane?" she breathes again, but he silences her with another kiss, harder and more aggressive this time. The feel of his tongue against hers causes her to close her fingers around him and start to rub; he breaks the kiss with a grunt, then moves his mouth to her ear. "Mmm…you like my tongue, don't cha?" he whispers. She nods desperately, and he licks her ear slowly. "Let's say we climb in the back and you lemme really show you what I can do with it, huh?"

_Lie, _she tells herself. _Right now, lie_. If she doesn't, she's going to have his face between her legs, she's going to come, and he's going to fuck her and that cannot happen. Because that would be cheating. This is all still innocent, but that….that…

"Shane, I…we can't…"

He pulls away from her suddenly, angrily, pushes her hand off of his lap. He flops back into the driver's seat, frustrated, and glares at her. "Look, we stoppin' or what? You said you were ok…"

"No, Shane, I just meant…we can't, do…_that_. Yet. It's just, I…uh, you _know_."

He laughs bitterly before he reaches up and clicks on the dome light of the car. She watches his hands as they move down to his pants; he unbuttons them, slides them down a bit, and pulls himself out. He bites his lip, looks at her, then at his lap, and back at her. "Well, I guess you're just gonna have to show me what that pretty little mouth of yours can do then."

She wouldn't be able to lie her way out of this one.

She's trembling, visibly now; she's sure of it. She feels sick to her stomach but can't tell if it's from excitement, nervousness, or guilt. She leans over to him, reaches her hand around the back of his neck, and presses her forehead against his. "Shane?" she asks, voice barely audible.

He places a hand behind her neck, pulling her closer, and tilts his head up to kiss her gently on the lips. "Hey…Lori, it's me; don't be scared. It's just us, ok?"

She nods her head against his while moving her hands down to the bottom of his shirt; she grabs it and he moves forward from the seat, allowing her to pull it up over his head. She tosses it in the back and takes a moment, allows herself to admire him: that chest, those abs, the absolute perfect creation that he is. She plays with his '22' necklace, twists it around on her finger awhile before scraping her nails lightly down the front of his body.

_Fuck it_, she says to herself as she grabs a hold of his cock and leans over. He grabs her hair and pushes her head down as she guides him into her mouth; she sucks him slowly, moving her lips up and down his length, or at least what she can fit in her mouth. She feels his body jerk slightly under her, feels him tense up a bit as she works her tongue around him; she controls _him_, makes _him_squirm. She likes it.

"Look at me," he moans. She does, but keeps him inside of her, using her hand to jerk off what won't comfortably fit. She knows she could _try_ to take it all, but she hasn't given a blow job in so long, she doesn't wanna screw it up. "Mmm, you look pretty with my cock shoved in your mouth." She feels him tense up even more, knowing that he's getting off on his own dirty talk. _Of course he is_. She breaks away from his gaze, sucks him harder, faster, working her hand in rhythm with her mouth. When she looks back up at him, his eyes are wide, focused on her, and his mouth is hanging open. He whimpers, "Lori…I'm gonna come…"

She's thankful for the warning and for the fact that it didn't take long at all. He grabs her hair with both hands and pulls; she braces herself as he empties his load into her mouth, jerking his hips forward and moaning loudly. She swallows most of it; a little escapes onto her hand. She waits until she feels him stop moving before pulling off him and righting herself in the passenger seat. She wipes her mouth and then wipes her fingers and the back of her hand onto her jeans.

They sit in silence for a few minutes, hours, fuck, who even knows? Suddenly, he clicks the dome light off, opens the car door and gets out, slamming it behind him. It startles her; her heart sinks into her stomach.

_Rick.  
_  
She exits the car and walks around to where he's standing, shirt still off; he's slumped against the driver's side door, knees bent, head resting in his hands. The tears in her eyes are hot, stinging. She stands behind him and runs her hands up his back, grabs onto his bare shoulders and presses the side of her face between them.

"What the fuck did we just do?" His voice is muffled; she's pretty sure he's crying. She rubs his shoulder with one hand and runs the other through his hair gently as she kisses his back.

"I don't know. But…I don't think it can happen again."

She pulls away from him, reluctantly; she wants to stay here for the rest of her life but knows she can't. That's not the promise she made. She walks back around to her side of the car, reaching in the back seat first to grab his shirt for him. When he gets in, she hands it to him and he pulls it back over his head. He starts the car and the dashboard lights illuminate his face just enough so that she can a few tears escaping his eyes. She wipes at her own bitterly.

_Don't you fucking cry; you did this to yourselves._"I'm sorry…" she begins, unsure if it's Shane or Rick she's apologizing to. "I'm….so sorry."

He nods blankly, wiping his face before he puts the car in drive and they ride back to his apartment complex in complete silence. Twenty minutes feels like an eternity.

When they finally get there, she can't get away from him fast enough; before he's even in park, she's out, keys in hand, making her way to her car. It's parked what seems like a mile away, and of course, he's following her. "Really? That's it? You're just gonna leave?" he yells at her from across the parking lot.

"Yes!" she yells back, not even turning to look at him.

"Lori, please? Just talk to me!"

"There's nothing to say, Shane. It was a mistake!" She gets in, locks the doors, starts it up, and gets the hell out of there as fast as she possibly can.

By the time she reaches her house, she's determined to get herself together. She pulls down the lighted visor mirror; she looks like shit. Her makeup is smeared all over her eyes, which are puffy and red, and her hair is a disaster. Normally, Rick would be leaving for work at about this time, but of course, it's his night off. She reaches into her purse to check her cell phone: 1 missed call from Rick (he never was the type to grovel much after a fight), and 9 text messages from Shane, all within the last 5 minutes. "Are you _serious_, Shane?"

_Lori, talk to me. Please._

We can't just ignore this.

I'm sorry, but it happened.

I feel like such a piece of shit.

I love him, too, Lori.

Please just talk to me?

Please say something?

Please?

?

She slams the phone shut. She knows it's completely irrational that she's pissed at him; he's hurting just as much as she is right now. She sucks it up and shoots one back quickly: _Soon. I promise. Can't right now. Need to sleep_. He immediately responds with: _Ok_. She turns the phone off, throws it back into her purse, and walks up to her house.

It's time to face Rick.

She swallows hard and opens the door, smoothing out her hair on the way in, and closes it behind her. She sees him: sitting on the couch with his feet up, half-full beer bottle on the end table, book splayed awkwardly in his lap, eyes closed_. So you have a fight; he reads a book and falls asleep on the couch, and you go suck his best friend off.  
_  
The sudden message from her brain is very clear: _Bathroom. NOW.  
_  
She makes it there just in time and gets the lid up before spewing the contents of her stomach inside. She's on her knees, heaving, as she grips the sides of the bowl. She squeezes her eyes shut, forces herself not to look; she knows what's in there and it disgusts her.

She's startled by a hand on her shoulder and another pulling her hair back out of her face. A few more heaves and she's finished; she flushes and sits down on the floor. Rick joins her, wrapping an arm around her shoulder.

"I wish you wouldn't get this upset, baby. It's not healthy. We…we always work things out," he leans in and kisses her forehead. "And we always _will_, Lori."

She lets her head rest against his shoulder as she reaches across her body for his free hand. She grips it tightly and pulls it into her chest. "I love…you," she sobs. "I'm sorry…I love you…so much."

"Sshhh, re_lax_. I know that." He kisses the side of her head and sniffs her hair. "I know that I'm not perfect, but I know that my love for you _is_."

And yet, somehow, all she can think about is Shane Walsh.


	2. Chapter 2

The next day is pure torture. She knows what she's done and sees it every time she looks into her husband's beautiful blue eyes. She sees a reflection of the person she's become with just one little mistake; one tiny, momentary lapse of judgment and she doesn't even recognize herself anymore.

They run errands, they grab food, they go for a walk around the neighborhood, just like they always do together on his days off, but she stays quiet. She's there with Rick in reality, but in her mind, she's still with Shane. She just can't stop thinking about him and how everything about him is so different from Rick: his lips, his smile, his scent, his laugh, the reaction of his body while she pleasured him…

He stops her, turns her to look at him. "And why are you so quiet today, huh? You're still thinking about last night, aren't you?" he asks.

She instantly feels nauseous; her eyes widen. "W-what? Whatta you mean?"

"I know how you are." He brings her hand up to his face and kisses it, before grabbing it with his other one. "Stop letting these arguments get to you. We're just going through a rough patch. It happens to married couples. It'll get better."

_Right. The argument_. She breathes a sigh of relief. "Yeah, I guess I didn't sleep too well. I'm…I'm ok, really." Dying on the inside, she offers her best fake smile to him before they head back home.

Rick begins showering and getting ready for his night shift, so Lori finally turns her phone on. She'd turned it off before bed last night and hasn't had the guts to look at it once today. It finishes starting up when she notices three missed calls. She scrolls: _Mom, unknown number, unknown number_. No text messages either.

She can't decide if she's thrilled or disappointed by this. _Guess he's waiting to hear from me after all.  
_  
Except when Rick leaves for his shift at 6:00, so he can make the 45-minute drive there to start by 7:00, Shane's walking through her front door twenty minutes later.

She's standing at the sink, drying the last of the dishes, when she catches something out of the corner of her eye. She jumps at the sight of him, leaning with one arm propped up inside doorway, and the plate falls, shattering all over the kitchen floor. "Fuck! Jesus, Shane….what the _fuck_?" she yells, holding her chest.

"I'm sorry. I didn't wanna scare you…"

"Well, you did." She bends down to start picking up the pieces of the plate, placing them into the dishtowel. He starts to walk towards her to help, but she stops him, annoyed. "Just…stay there. I've got it."

He brings the garbage can over to her and opens the lid. She finishes picking up the pieces, dumps them inside, and slams it shut. She stands up and becomes flushed as she realizes she's about 6 inches from his face; she turns back towards the sink, pretending to find something to do.

Then, there's a hand touching her shoulder lightly. She whips herself around and pushes it off. "Do not touch me, Shane. You shouldn't even…you shouldn't even be here." The dejected look in his eyes tells her that maybe she's being too harsh. This isn't his fault. This isn't her fault. This is their fault. "I'm sorry, ok? I just…don't really know what to do with….all of this."

"I couldn't sleep at all last night, I've felt sick all day…" he begins, voice trailing off. He looks at her, almost desperately. "Can we please talk about this?"

"Fine." She pushes past him and walks into the living room, where she sits down on the couch. He follows but is reluctant to sit. She motions towards the couch with her hand and her eyes, and so he finally does, just a few feet away. "So? Talk."

"I don't feel right…" he starts, shaking his head. "I don't."

"And you shouldn't. _We_ shouldn't. It was…it was wrong." She decides to leave out the part about how she spent the entire day trying to remember exactly what it felt like the minute their lips first touched, exactly what he smelled like. "Look, I don't know how to deal with this, how we're supposed to deal with this, but…we have to try to forget that it happened. And things have to change. It can't…Shane, it can't be like it was before. It just can't." She almost laughs at the sheer stupidity of the words that are coming out of her mouth, like this mindless drabble is actually solving something. "Ok?"

He nods. "I guess that's good a plan as any." He rubs his head, pulls his hands over his face, and turns to look at her.

She extends her arms out slowly, tentatively; he raises an eyebrow. "Come on, it's just a hug. We can still be friends, right?" He scoots closer to her and wraps his arms around her waist, but instead of hugging him back, she slowly slides both her hands up the sides of his face. She presses her palms against his cheeks and grabs whatever of his hair she can get her fingers on. They stare at each other for awhile.

And it's not until she's straddling his lap, sucking on his neck while his hands are up the back of her shirt, that she realizes maybe 'just a hug' wasn't the best idea.

He unhooks her bra and runs his hands from her back around to the front, cupping her tits with both hands and squeezing. She pulls her mouth away from his neck, grabs her shirt, and pulls it up over her head. Her bra falls forward, slides down her arms, and she shakes it off, throwing it to the side. She slides her hands around the back of his neck and pulls his head down towards her chest, raising her hips and leaning back a little as he begins sucking on her body. He gives equal attention to both nipples before kissing his way up to her neck and moving both hands down to her ass, leaning completely back against the couch and pulling her forward on top of him.

She grinds her hips steadily into his; she can feel how hard he is. She's waiting for the guilty feelings that she experienced last night in his car to rear their ugly heads, to make her put a stop to this, but they _don't_. Her hands slide up to his hair, where she tangles her fingers in it and places her mouth against his ear. "Shane," she whispers, hips still moving against him. "I've been…thinkin' about this…all day."

"Mmm, that makes…two of us then," he moans against the side of her face, lifting his hips in a rhythm to meet hers.

"I wanna…" She stops, lets out shy laugh. "I wanna _please_ you again. I…kinda liked it," she finally admits to him.

She feels him smirk. "Did you now?" He pushes her off his lap and stands up, then grabs her by the wrist and pulls her behind him, down the hallway and around the corner. Realizing where they're headed, she pushes his hand off the doorknob and stops him. "Shane, no, we can't…"

He grabs her hand, lifts it up over her head, and pins her against the wall outside her bedroom- _her and Rick's _bedroom. He does the same with her other arm, rendering her defenseless as he leans in towards her face with his. He teases her lips with his tongue, forcing her to part them and meet it with her own. They kiss slowly, softly, before he tightens his grip on her wrists and breaks away suddenly. "Yeah, we can." He guides one of her hands down and places it on the doorknob. "Come on, baby. Please?"

She squeezes her eyes shut and turns it slowly.

He pushes the door open and goes in, pulling her behind him. She opens her eyes; the bed hasn't been made, some of Rick's clothes from earlier are scattered across the bed and on the floor. His post-shower scent still lingers, his wet towel drying on the bathroom door hook.

Lori senses Shane's uneasiness as he rubs his head and looks down at the floor; she looks away from him. Suddenly, he reaches a hand up to her throat and closes it, just tightly enough that it startles her. He pushes her backwards until her knees hit the edge of the bed; she sits back onto it and stares at him, wide-eyed, as he drops to his knees in front of her. "So are you…._done_?" he asks cautiously, remembering their conversation and why he couldn't do this to her in the car last night. She nods quickly and helps him get the button of her jeans undone, lifting her hips and legs as he yanks them off. "Good, 'cause I'm about to make you come undone."

Her legs are slung over his shoulders as runs his fingers up the insides of her thighs, followed by his tongue. He pulls her underwear to the side and she shifts her hips. "Hey, sometimes it….takes me awhile," she warns him, briefly remembering the one time Rick literally fell _asleep_ going down on her and how much they'd laughed about it later. She immediately banishes the memory from her mind.

"Not with me it don't, sweetheart."

She sighs loudly and grabs at her hair as she feels his fingers spread her apart and his tongue slides between her legs. He's slow, methodical, gentle; everything she felt when he kissed her _mouth _she feels a million times stronger as he works his tongue in rhythmic patterns against her clit. "Oh God…Shane," she moans, muffled because she's covering her mouth with her hand. _There's no way anything should possibly feel like this_, she thinks, completely caught up in the moment, unable to remember a time when she felt even remotely this good.

She's close; it's been mere minutes and she's nearing the edge already. Her panties and the sheets underneath her are completely soaked; her breathing is erratic and her eyes are watering as she bites down on the side of her hand. Suddenly, he stops; she squirms uncomfortably. "You gonna come for me, baby?" he asks, sliding a finger inside of her.

"Yes, God yes….please, Shane," she begs softly, and he continues. A few more quick, steady circles of his tongue and she loses it, completely coming undone beneath him, as he promised. She covers her mouth with both hands, stifling her high-pitched moans, as she comes while he fingers her.

Everything that happens next is so fast. Before her body's even done contracting, he stands up and pulls his shirt off. She watches him from her position on the bed; he reaches into his pants pocket and pulls out a condom. He climbs onto the bed, straddling her, and she reaches up to get his pants undone, frantically working them open, as he tears open the wrapper. She slides them down and watches him move so he can kick them off; at the same time she pulls off her underwear. "Felt good, didn't it?" he asks, as he watches himself put the condom on.

She nods; everything's fuzzy, as she realizes she's about to let him fuck her in the bed she shares with Rick. His _best friend_. Her _husband_.

He climbs on top of her, spreads her legs apart with one hand and guides himself inside of her with the other. They both let out a load groan as he pushes in slowly. He's much bigger than she's used to and it hurts, not to mention she's never had another man inside of her besides Rick. "You ok?" he asks gently, leaning in to kiss her.

She turns her head, rejecting him. "Mmm, yeah, just…do it already," she moans. One of her hands is positioned on his shoulder, the other reaches over to the side of the bed. She feels around for a bit, finds Rick's shirt, and grabs a hold of it tightly, not knowing why. "Shane, just do it already."

There is absolutely nothing romantic about the way he fucks her. It's hard, fast, purely animalistic, the kind of sex she's always wanted to have but has never had the guts to ask Rick for. The noises coming out of both of them are like nothing she's ever heard or made before. He grabs her hair, pulls it, bites down on her neck while he slams his hips into hers repeatedly. Her free hand fumbles for any inch of his skin that it can grip, a desperate but futile attempt to gain some control against his powerful thrusts.

As her body adjusts to his size, it stops hurting and feels amazing. She lets go of Rick's shirt and digs both sets of her nails into Shane's sweat-slicked back, hard; he responds by grabbing her hair even harder. He leans down, mouth to her ear, putting all his weight on top of her. "Yeah, you like gettin' fucked by _me_, don't cha?"

"Yes….yes," she squeaks, as she grabs him with both of her hands and positions his face directly over hers. Their noses touch, the sweat from his forehead runs onto her face; she opens her mouth. She wants to feel that amazing tongue of his inside of her at the same time.

Never losing his rhythm, he teases her with it, flicking it against her lips but then pulling it away when she tries to kiss him back. "Tell me," he growls. "Tell me I'm better than Rick. Tell me I fuck you better'n he does."

"Yeah," is what comes out.

"Yeah _what_?" He teases her some more. "Baby, I'm so close. Tell me…come on."

Slightly conflicted but desperate to please him again, to make him feel as good as he just made her feel, she shoves his head to the side and whispers into his ear, "Shane…you fuck me _so_ much better than Rick does…"

He pulls out of her and sits up, straddling her hips. With one hand, he removes the condom and with the other, grabs her hand and places it on his cock. "Finish me, baby." A few quick strokes and he's moaning her name as he comes onto her stomach, a completely new experience for her. She feels the warmth of him on her skin as she watches him orgasm; she enjoys knowing that _she_ got him there and locks eyes with him as he finishes.

Scanning his immediate surroundings, he grabs the nearest thing he can find: Rick's shirt. She looks away as he gently uses it to clean her stomach off and tosses it onto the floor. _This isn't happening. This didn't just happen_. His hand brushes the side of her face as he lies down next to her; his arm wraps around her shoulder, pulls her close. "Listen, Lori, Rick's my friend, alright? But I have to…I gotta tell you somethin'…"

Eyes closed. This will go away if she just ignores it; there's no way this is reality. _Do not say it, Shane. Do not even say it._

And he says it.

And as though she's watching herself from a place completely outside of herself, she hears her own voice reply, "I love you, too."

She does the math: twenty four hours plus four words spoken equals three lives, relationships, pretty much destroyed. Realizing sadly that whatever hope there was of coming back from this, from cutting this off is completely gone, she decides to go ahead and embrace it.


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N:** Sex and language, so don't read on if offended by either.

Four weeks later, sitting across the dinner table from Rick, is when it happens. Their dinner that evening has been silent; she hasn't spoken much at all in the past two days, actually. "So, I can't be positive," he tells her out of nowhere and in between bites, "but I think I may have found somebody for Shane."

She drops her fork awkwardly at the mention of his name; it's been two days since she's seen or even talked to him. Rick looks at her as she picks it up and stumbles over her words. "I'm sorry….I….what?"

"I'm sure you've noticed a difference in him lately, right?" He makes a strange face. "That's a silly question. You haven't really seen him much since our shifts got…"

"Of course I haven't," she replies way too quickly, before he can even finish his sentence. She stares down at her plate. _Shut the fuck up, you idiot. _

"He's….I don't know what's going on with him though. It's like we don't even talk to each other that much at all anymore. I swear it's like...this sounds so stupid, but it's like he's avoiding my calls or somethin'. And when I do actually see him? All he talks about is how lonely he is. Keeps tellin' me how lucky I am to have you and what a great woman you are. It's...strange." Rick shakes his head. "Even the few times he's been here, I've noticed him staring at us with this…._look_ on his face; it's almost desperate. I feel bad for him."

They'd only hung out twice, the three of them, since she began the affair with Shane. He'd come over once for a really awkward dinner, only because Rick invited him, and one other time to help fix the floor in the bathroom. When Rick ran to the store to pick up more tile, Lori led Shane in the garage and let him fuck her hard, without a condom, up against the trunk of her car. They'd finished at almost the exact same time Rick had returned.

And really, they could've easily been caught a few times. After the first time they were together in her and Rick's bed, she swore she'd cleaned everything up: the shirt, the condom. That night as she laid next to her sleeping husband, she felt something poke her down under the sheets at her feet. Her eyes widened; she quickly grabbed it and jumped out of bed, wadded the wrapper up in some toilet paper, and flushed it down the toilet…five times, just to be sure. She must've woken him up because as she climbed back in, he asked if she was okay. "Yeah, just…somethin' I ate today," she told him, pissed at herself for having been so careless.

The other time was the night that she forgot to turn her phone off before bed. Around three in the morning, her text messages started going nuts. For some reason, she'd left the phone on the dresser by Rick's side of the bed. After about the third message, he grabbed the phone and opened it for her, passing it over to her without even looking at it. The messages were all from Shane:

_Get out of bed and leave the room._

Did you yet?

Call me when you do. 

She took her phone out to the kitchen (the furthest room from their bedroom) and called him. "I want you to touch yourself for me, baby," he answered; she could hear in his voice that he was at least a few beers in. So she sat on a corner of the kitchen floor and got herself off as quietly as possible while he talked dirty to her and jerked himself off, both of them coming at nearly the exact same time. It was after that night she removed his contact info from her phone and changed it to an obscure crazy-former-roommate-from-college's name…just in case Rick decided to check next time.

They'd seen each other every day since that night in his car, even if only for a few minutes on the days Rick had off. She didn't want to admit it, but couldn't stand to be away from him. She needed him. She'd told him she loved him, and maybe she did. But all she knew for sure was that everything in her body, deep down into the darkest parts of her soul, absolutely _ached_ when she was apart from him. He'd woken something up inside of her that she didn't even know existed.

They had lots of sex, but sometimes they just made out, touching over top their clothes like two high school freshman. Sometimes, he'd tell her to get dressed real nice, pick her up, and take her out for a romantic dinner (many miles from their hometown, of course) where they would talk and talk. And sometimes, she would just hold him and they wouldn't say a word to each other for _hours_. He gave it to her: all of the affection, the presence she desired, and she'd quickly and stupidly gotten herself addicted to it.

Two nights ago was when he hit her with a bomb. They were lying together on his bed, fully clothed, just holding hands. She wasn't even sure she really heard it, at first.

"When you gonna leave him?"

After letting it sink in for a moment, she made a face and laughed; she'd sworn he was joking. "Why not right now? Hand me my phone, please. Or better yet, you call him. Think he'd like to hear it from your mouth."

He positioned himself over top of her, propped up on one arm, and cradled her face. "Lori," he said softly. "I'm serious. Leave Rick. I can't…keep watchin' you go, ok? It hurts too bad. Look, I…I haven't fucked anyone else since this started, haven't even kissed someone else, and you still go home to him. I've…never loved _any_thing, alright, but I _love_ you. Every time I have to say goodbye to you, it's like…"

She pushed him off of her and sat up. "Stop it," she growled. "Right now. Just stop it. I am _married. _Do you…do you even know what you're asking of me?" She sat on the edge of the bed, back towards him. "God, how can you be so selfish, Shane?"

"I'm sorry...selfish? I'm being _selfish_, that what you said?" He got off the bed and paced around, angrily. "So I'm willing to just trash a ten-year long friendship for you, and I'm being selfish? You're...fuckin' unbelievable, truly. You know that, woman?"

She knew he was getting pissed and wanted to diffuse it. "Sorry. It was a poor choice of words."

He got down onto his knees in front of her, grabbing both of her hands with his. "Fine then. Tell me, right now, that you're happy with him. Tell me that and I'll leave you alone, I'll walk away from this."

She opened her mouth to speak, but nothing came out.

"You can't, can you? Because he don't make you happy like I do. He's a great guy, Lori, the _best_…but he ain't…he ain't right for you, never was. There's such a spark in you and he don't even realize it, don't even see it. He does not appreciate you for what you are, and he cannot give you what you need. We both know that. It's fake; it's all fake. And you're not stupid…why do you settle for fake when _this_," he pulled her hand to his chest, "this right here is real?"

Again, mouth opened, but no words.

He let go of her hands, reached up to the back of her head, and pulled their foreheads together. "Look, I haven't figured out all the kinks yet, but I will. Just….leave him and come to me, baby. We….we can make this work, I promise you that. I've no clue how, but we can."

What she wanted more than anything was to tell him yes. She wanted to tell him that she dies inside every time she's away from him, tell him that she's never felt happier, more alive, than when she's with him, tell him they'll go somewhere and won't ever look back and that this all sounds perfect.

What she did was push him away and leave him sitting there, alone, on his bedroom floor. "I'm sorry, but I…can't do that. I can't do that, Shane."

"Why? 'Cuz then you'd have to admit what you've done, huh?" She stopped and looked at him, but kept going. "Yeah, I guess you _can't_ do that," she heard him say as she walked out.

He did not follow her this time.

And that was two days ago.

"So anyway, there's this lawyer we see in court all the time. Blonde, cute little thing…name's Andrea. They're always flirting and she asked me about him the other day. So I told him tomorrow night, we'd all go out for drinks. Hopefully it'll cheer him up a bit. I think you'll really like her."

"Um, great," she says blankly, pushing her food around her plate with her fork. "Can't wait."


	4. Chapter 4

**A/N: **Language and sex...don't read on if offended by either.****

"Are you sure you're ok?" Rick asks as they pull up to the bar.

"Yeah, I'm…fine," she assures him. "Why do you keep askin' me that?"

"Well, for one, you've checked your makeup about three times on the five-minute ride. You're hot, ok?" He laughs, placing his hand on her thigh. She cringes, flashing back to the first time she hooked up with Shane in his car and how he'd done the same right before he kissed her. "You look beautiful. And you're much prettier than Andrea, if that's what you're worried about."

"Thanks," she says, shutting the mirror and tipping the visor back up. As distant as she's felt from him lately and as oblivious as he was about most things, there were the occasional times like these when it became clear that he still has her completely figured out.

As they exit the car, she nervously fixes her hair, smoothes out her skirt, and casually makes sure her bra is pushing everything together as planned. Truth is, she could throw up all over the place just thinking about this evening. The problem isn't Rick; the problem is the fact that some other woman's going to be hanging all over Shane (like they always do). Only now, she's going to have to pretend that it doesn't bother her.

They walk in; it's crowded, but not to the point where you can't move, and it's dimly lit. There's a band setting up, which means a night full of awkward screaming over the noise and no voice tomorrow. Rick spots Shane sitting at a booth about 100 feet from where they are. He takes her hand to lead her over, but she resists. "I'm…gonna go…get a drink," she motions toward the bar, in the opposite direction. "You want?"

"Why don't you just wait until…"

"Ok, then." She breaks free from his grip and takes off. When she gets there, she looks back to make sure he's not watching and immediately orders two shots and a mixed drink, hoping they'll take the edge off. She never was a social butterfly, but she hasn't been this uncomfortable in a social setting in a very long time. She scans the room uneasily, wondering if any of the 'blonde, cute little things' could be _her_.

As she's mentally cursing the bartender out for taking so long with her drinks, she feels a hand slide alongside her hip. Figuring it's Rick, she turns to distract him. She'd hoped to suck down the shots before he got there. He'll be pissed if he knows she's drinking this much already. She has a nasty habit of doing too much, too fast, especially when she's nervous, which usually doesn't end well for him. "Hey, I just…"

Only it's not Rick.

"Aww, ain't you sweet, buyin' me a drink?" Shane says, reaching for the two shots the bartender places in front of them. He pays for them, giving her one of the shots before his hand returns to her hip.

"Where is my _husband_?" she asks, staring wide-eyed at him, moving her eyes from his face to his hand, then back up to his eyes.

"Cheers." He clinks his shot glass against hers; they both take it, and he smirks. "I told him 'bout us and he left. Said he wishes us all the best." Sensing that she's not amused, he adds, "He's outside on the phone with Andrea. She's all kinds of lost. Imagine that, a woman gettin' lost."

She grabs her drink off the bar and turns to walk away. Shane follows close behind. She heads down the long hallway towards the bathrooms, knowing there's a sort of private spot off to the side there, out of view from the rest of the bar. She leans against the wall and sucks down a considerable amount of her rum and Coke; he props himself up against the wall on his elbow, just a _little_ too close to her.

"And…your hair. What happened?" she asks. He's completely shaved his head except for a little stubble. He looks incredibly hot, but she instantly hates it, remembering how much she loves tangling her fingers in it, pulling at it, while he fucks her or goes down on her. "Guess you had to get all pretty for your big date, huh?"

"Oh, now don't you do that," he says, raising an eyebrow and running his hand across his head. "You remember damn well how our conversation went a few days ago, don't act like you don't. I, uh…just felt the need for a change, that's all." His expression changes to one of genuine concern as she finishes sucking down the rest of her drink and sets the empty cup on a nearby ledge. "Hey…maybe slow down a bit, ok? You know how you get. You don't wanna do somethin' you'll regret tonight."

"Yeah, well. Whatever it is, I'll just add it to the ever-growing list of shit I regret," she shoots back, looking away from him uneasily. He takes her hand gently. "What?" she asks, annoyed.

"_I_ don't regret a thing, and I ain't goin' anywhere. I'm right here, meant everything I said." Just as she's about to grip his hand back, he pulls it away. He moves her hair off her shoulder and leans into her ear. "But Lori? If you think I'm just gonna sit around anymore, waitin' for you to figure shit out, while you go home to Rick every night? You're one crazy-ass bitch."

She feels all of the blood rush from her face. Taken aback, she fumbles for words. "Hey, don't…Shane…how…"

He shakes his head. "I'm done talkin', Lori," he starts to head back down the hallway and turns back. "Now get your shit together and come out here. Wouldn't wanna worry your _husband_, now would ya?"

It takes her a moment, or twenty, to process what just happened; she continues to stand there, long after he's out of her sight. She surprised by what a dick he's being, but even more surprised that she's never wanted to fuck him more than she does right now. She swears if he hadn't walked away, she'd have grabbed him by his shirt collar and pulled him into the nearest bathroom stall.

It's been too long; if she doesn't get moving soon, Rick may come looking for her. She ducks into the bathroom for yet another makeup check before heading back out to where they're sitting.

All _three_ of them.

She sits down next to her husband as he slides an arm around her waist and pushes a drink in front of her. "Thanks," she says, eyes not moving from the petite blonde across the table, sitting way too close to Shane. "So, you must be…Amanda, right?"

"Andrea, actually." There's definite tension already. She takes her hand off her beer bottle and extends it across the table. "So you're Lori, then?"

"One and only," she says, giving her a half-assed handshake and continuing to size Andrea up; Lori stares and she stares right back. It's only when Andrea's eyes narrow that she realizes maybe it's a bit too much.

She switches her gaze over to Shane, who slides his arm around Andrea's shoulder, pulling her in close to him. He whispers something into her ear and she giggles, smacking him playfully. "You are _not_ nice," she says, taking a sip of her beer and shooting Lori a look that clearly says, 'That was about _you_.'

Lori picks up her drink and begins sucking it down again, realizing that she's mildly starting to feel the effects of the shot and the first one.

She scrutinizes the two of them interacting, which is typical Shane versus woman: somehow, she's all over him within a matter of, literally, minutes, like he cast some sort of fucking spell on her. She never _used_ to be able to understand how he did it. She can see from the position of Andrea's other arm that her hand's under the table and resting on his leg, or in his lap, maybe? No way is she...

Rick's fingers snap in front of her face, startling her. "W-what?"

"Hello? Did you hear me? I've said the same thing three times now."

"Clearly not, Rick, if you've said it three times now," she replies sharply. She picks up her drink and begins sucking at the straw, only to realize that there's nothing left in it. She shoves it off to the side.

Rick leans over to her ear. "I _said_ take it easy. I don't feel much like scrapin' you up off the bathroom floor tonight, ok?"

Shane's watching them. She twists her head up so that she's in Rick's ear now. "Then what _do_ you feel like doin' to me tonight?" she asks, dragging her hand up the inside of his thigh.

He tenses up, uncomfortably. He grabs her hand with his, stopping it, and forces her to make eye contact with him. "Lori? Relax. I'm serious."

"Of course, sweetie. God forbid we show _any_ emotion," she says, rolling her eyes and digging in her purse for her phone. Rick removes his hand from hers; she half-listens as Andrea begins talking to Rick and Shane about one of the judges from court. Soon, the three of them are wrapped up in a discussion that Lori has no absolutely no place or interest in.

She opens her phone and begins composing a text. To Shane. With her husband sitting mere inches from her. And noticing nothing.

_Bathroom? Your car? Don't care, just want you inside me._

She watches as he feels his phone vibrate and realizes that she's texting him; he gives her a look and waits a moment before reaching into his pocket. He assesses the situation; Rick and Andrea are completely engaged in their own conversation. He smirks at her as he reads it; Andrea looks over at him, then at Lori and notices her phone sitting on the table. Lori smiles as Shane's forced to remove his arm from around the blonde woman's shoulder in order to text her back.

_Kinda busy right now. Actually…Rick looks busy, too. Guess he CAN pay attention when he wants to, huh?_

She narrows her eyes at him. _You are a complete and total fucking dickhead, you know that?  
_  
_Yup. And you love me. You even said so._

Shut up. I'm serious, I will fuck your brains out right now.

That one makes him squirm a bit in his seat; she watches him bite his lip before replying: _Get a drink. Meet you by the bathrooms in 5._

She shuts her phone and looks at him for confirmation. He nods ever-so-slightly. "I'll, um, I'll be back," she says to Rick as she taps him on the arm and slides out of the booth. "I'm gonna use the bathroom."

He nods, but before she can get away, Andrea gets up as well. "Oh, I've gotta go, too. There's no reason you would mind if I came with you, right?"

_Shit. _"Um, no. That's...fine," she says, and rolls her eyes at Shane before walking away.

As they head away from the table, Andrea grabs her arm and stops her. "Let's get a drink before we go. Come on, the line's not that long." She follows the woman to the bar, watches her order a beer for herself, and then turns it over to Lori. "And, um…."

"Rum and Coke." They stand there in a bit of an awkward silence waiting for their drinks, though there's enough background noise to cover it. Lori takes out money and tries to pay, but Andrea tells her not to worry about it. "Thanks."

They walk to the bathroom, do what they need to do, and meet up at the sinks. Lori fixes her hair and watches Andrea reapply some lip gloss. _Please, like you need MORE makeup._ "So, you and Shane…seem to be hitting it off," she says, attempting to make cordial conversation.

She smiles. "Yeah, I guess so. He makes me laugh, and he's hot. Especially with his hair like that now? _Damn_. God, he's so hot, isn't he?" Before Lori can say anything, she continues. "Listen, don't take this the wrong way, but I was…originally interested in Rick. As soon as I found out he was married though, that was it. Married men are off-limits, learned that the hard way. But seriously, you're lucky. Rick is a really sweet guy."

Lori tries to process what she's just heard; the drinks have officially kicked in. _What the hell do you know about my husband?_ "He's, um….he's ok."

"But Shane? I can't wait to get him home and just…see what he's made of." She laughs, never moving her eyes from Lori's. "Because from what I could feel from under the table, he's got quite a bit to offer a woman."

Lori laughs uncomfortably; it could be the copious amounts of alcohol clouding her vision, or their catty interactions at the table making her paranoid, but she can't shake the feeling that she's being baited right now. She leans back against the wall and finishes up the last of her drink, chucking the empty cup into the trash. "Does he, now?"

"Oh, definitely. So, you've known him a long time, right? Is there anything I need to know about him? Anything at all that I..._should_ know?"

"Um…hmmm. Anything you should know about Shane? That's, uh…"

"Yeah, that's what I asked you, right?" Her tone suddenly turns cold. "Because you must know him very well. I mean, you sat there texting back and forth with him the entire time I was talking to your husband, didn't you? I show up to the bar and neither of you happen to be at the table with Rick. You've been staring daggers at me all night, sizing me up. I'm not a fucking idiot, Lori."

She wants to respond but she has absolutely nothing.

"Listen, sweetie. Rick's too sweet, or maybe just too stupid, to realize that you're into his best friend, but I sniffed it out the minute I saw you two together. Call it women's intuition, if you want. And honestly?" She leans in closer to where Lori is standing. "I don't care. You wanna shit all over your marriage? Go for it. Just don't get in my way. Now, I probably won't be marrying Shane, but I can tell you that I _will _be fucking him in a few hours. Try to stop it? I'd be happy to blow your spot up, right here, right in front of your husband, get it out of the way for you."

She backs away, chugs the rest of her beer, and tosses the bottle into the trashcan. "And hey, no hard feelings. But, we're clear, right?" Lori nods blankly. "Good."


	5. Chapter 5

**A/N: **Language and sex...don't read if offended by either.

"I'm…sorry," she apologizes as she walks back to the car with Rick. Staying there one more minute was not an option. Rick says nothing, just opens the door for her and allows her to get in before shutting it a little too hard.

She'd texted Shane before she left: _I think she knows. _

_Why are you leaving? And what do you mean she knows?_

_Guess we're not so discreet. _

_She checks her phone again._

_Lori, what the fuck are you talking about?_

_Hello?_

She puts it away as Rick gets into the car. He doesn't start it, just turns and looks at her. "Are you alright?"

She nods.

"You gonna tell me what the big hurry was, then?"

"I just…wasn't feeling it. Is that ok? "

"Yes, that's fine. So now we need to have yet _another_ discussion about your drinking…"

"Look, this really has nothing to do with my drinking, ok?" she yells back at him. "It's just…it's just…"

He rolls his eyes and starts the car. "Right. It never does."

"It's just…Shane's…such...ugh…asshole," she mumbles. _Shut up. Shut up right now. _

"Why? What are you even talking about? Lori, you're not making any sense."

"Just…nevermind," she sighs. Head fuzzy, she slumps back against the headrest and puts her feet up on the dashboard.

She feels like she's been asleep for an hour when she feels Rick shaking her lightly from outside the passenger side door. "Come on, we're home," he says, reaching across her body to unbuckle her seatbelt. His face brushes against hers, his stubble scraping her skin lightly as he slides an arm behind her back to try and help her out of the seat.

She stops him with one hand and reaches up behind his head with the other, tangles her fingers in his hair, the way she does with Shane. He stops and looks at her, like he wants to say something, but he doesn't. She brings her face up the few inches needed to meet his, lips already parted and waiting for hers as she kisses him passionately. She can't remember the last time they even kissed, let alone had sex, but she knows it was well before she started messing around with Shane…three, two-and-a-half months, at least, if she had to guess.

She breaks away gently; he takes her hand and pulls her out of the car. They get to the front porch and she pushes him up against the side of the house with her body, grabs his face, and kisses him again. His hands move up to her hair, down her back, down to her ass, and back up again, like he's not sure where to grab her.

She's trying her best to think about _anything_ but Shane.

Rick begins fumbling for the key to the house. He finds it, unlocks the door, and pulls her inside. She slams the door behind her, turns him around, and pushes him against it. Her hands immediately go for his belt buckle, almost instinctively. She yanks it apart and works at the button of his pants, staring up at him to see his reaction. He's hyper-focused on her, just watching her hands and panting slightly. "What's…gotten _into _you?" he asks softly, as she gets down onto her knees in front of him.

"Wouldn't you like to know?" she asks, completely aroused at the control she exerts over him. She shoves his pants down and immediately takes him into her mouth. His knees practically buckle and he grabs the end table next to him to try and steady himself. Unlike Shane, she's able to take Rick completely inside of her mouth and even down into her throat when she relaxes it. She hears him moaning, louder than he normally does, and she waits anxiously. Waits for him to grab her hair, shove his hips forward the way Shane does. But he doesn't; he just caresses the side of her face gently, to her disappointment.

She stops suddenly and looks up at him. "Sit," she instructs, as she reaches up her skirt and pulls her underwear off.

"You…I mean, right here?"

"Yes, right here," she replies, annoyed. "You want me to fuck you or what?"

He nods desperately and slides down to the floor. She instructs him to bend his knees while keeping his back against the door. She climbs into his lap, takes him into her hand, and positions herself over him. She closes her eyes and slides down onto him. She's expecting him to feel like Shane but he doesn't; she's frustrated by it. He tries to reach out and touch her but she tells him not to. "No. Just…hands behind your head." He complies, and she begins riding him, slowly grinding her hips against his, getting herself off on him, just the way that Shane taught her how.

She remembers their conversation the first time it happened.

"Wait…so you mean to tell me you've never gotten off during sex, just from oral?"

"Yeah, I mean…I didn't know I could. Can you…is that possible?"

She remembers how he'd laughed, thinking she must've been kidding. Then, realizing she wasn't, he'd showed her exactly what to do, how to position herself in his lap, how to move her hips against his, talking her through it the whole way. _"Don't think about it so much, baby. Just feel me,"_ he'd whispered in her ear, noticing that she was concentrating too hard.

It was frustrating at first, but when it finally did happen, she remembers in vivid detail how different it was. The perfection of feeling herself nearing the edge with him inside of her, the pleasure of getting off harder, from some place deeper, than ever before, the tears streaming down her face as she dug her nails into Shane's back and bit down against his shoulder in between moans of his name. She remembers the noises he made, how hard he came inside of her at the exact same time…

She has to focus really hard to remember that it's _Rick_ right now, not Shane; she fights the urge to call out his name, thinking how badly she'd wanted him tonight after he laid into her by the bathrooms. _Will you just focus? _She grabs the sides of Rick's face. His eyes are closed and his head is shoved back against the door; he's tugging at his own hair. "That feel good, baby?" she asks.

He responds with something that may have been an actual word, she's not really sure. She works her hips against his hard, much harder than she has to do with Shane, not only because of the size difference but because he's not meeting her halfway like Shane does. She wishes he would.

After awhile, nearly ready to give up and her legs damn-near going numb, she finally feels herself coming close. She presses her forehead into her husband's and bites her lip. She really wants to focus on Rick. She tries so hard to remember what attracted her to him in the first place, but she just can't; it wasn't him she was supposed to be with tonight. She gives in, squeezes her eyes shut, and lets her mind go to Shane. Fucking her. Eating her out. Sucking her tits. Pulling her hair. Shoving his cock in her mouth. "Mmm, I'm gonna….I'm gonna…"

She crashes her lips into Rick's at the moment she comes, moaning Shane's name quietly into his mouth and praying it's muffled enough that he won't notice. He comes very soon after she does; she feels his body tense up beneath her as he gets off inside of her.

They both sit there for a few moments afterwards. She opens her eyes and notices the huge, dorky grin across her husband's face. "That was…that felt…" He pulls her into him and kisses her lightly. "Wherever that came from, thank you."

She climbs off of him and stands up, nearly falling over. He reaches out to steady her, but she pushes his hand away. "I'm…fine. I need to take a shower, ok?"

She heads into their bedroom, gets into the bathroom and shuts the door in just enough time before the tears come.

Shane.

She wonders when having sex with her own husband began to feel like cheating.

The next day, despite her pounding headache and the fact that her guilt kept her awake practically all night, she begrudgingly accompanies her husband to a housewarming party for one of the guys he works with. He'd told her about it weeks ago, and though she'd hoped he would forget or maybe get called into work early, no such luck. She washes down two more Advil with her coffee before they exit the car.

He takes her hand and looks at her; she knows he's still thinking about last night. "Hey. I love you," he tells her. She flashes him a weak smile and they enter through the backyard. He quickly finds a group that includes the homeowner and his wife, introduces Lori to them and begins making small talk. She tunes it out, the way she's learned to, and quickly scans the tables in the yard, unable to find what she's looking for.

After a few minutes, she lets go of Rick's hand and excuses herself. "I'll come find you in a few," he tells her. She nods, knowing that he won't, grabs a soda, finds a quiet spot with some shade, where she sits down to check her phone. Two missed calls from the "college roommate", around three in the morning. In the middle of her wondering what he wanted, two women sit down at the table with her. She talks with them for a while, and when she scans the yard again, she notices Rick's completely on the other side with a different group of people now. _Find you in a few. Right. _

She heads into the house, asking where to find the bathroom along the way. She checks the handle to the door; it's locked. As she's waiting, she feels someone grab her arm and pull her away from where she's standing. Startled, she struggles to free herself before she realizes that it's Shane. "Geez, you scared the hell outta me."

"Sorry," he whispers, scoping their surroundings as he pulls her toward the staircase. "Come on." She follows him upstairs, checking back nervously to make sure no one's watching them. He checks a couple of doors, finds a bathroom, and pulls her inside, closing and locking the door behind them.

"I didn't…think you were here, I didn't see you," she tells him, as she sits down on the side of the bathtub.

"Been here the whole time. Watched you walk in hand in hand with him. That was real cute." She doesn't make eye contact with him. "Hell, I was just talkin' to him 'bout ten minutes ago, while you were checkin' your phone, lookin' at the calls you ignored from me last night."

"I didn't ignore anything. It's called I was in bed…"

"Next to him."

"Yes, next to him. Most married couples sleep in the same bed." She rolls her eyes, as he sits on the floor in front of her. "Not to mention your calls came in at three in the morning, so should we talk about what _you _were doing last night?"

He laughs, running his hand across his head and resting it on her leg. "You wanna?"

"Yeah, let's." She straightens up, pushes his hand away from her leg. "So did you?"

"Yeah," he answers, without hesitation. "Yeah, damn right I did. Fucked her good, too…a few times."

"That's…lovely," she says, disgusted, standing up and moving to the other side of the bathroom. She leans up against the sink, crosses her arms. "Just lovely."

He gets up from the floor and follows her, stands right in front of her. "But here's the difference: I tossed her ass out when I was done with her. I didn't sleep _next_ to her. And you know, while on the subject of her, let's talk about the fact that she knows there's somethin' goin' on between us, shall we? Now," he grabs her arms and uncrosses them, pushing them to her side. "Why do you think that is?"

"I swear to you, Shane, she figured it out all on her own. I don't know how, maybe because she has _eyes_. Apparently we're not being very discreet about it…"

"That's exactly my point, Lori. She just met you, saw us interactin' for two minutes and figured it out. Now, you been with him for four years and he ain't figured this out yet. Why?"

She turns her head but he grabs her chin and forces her to look at him. "Answer me, Lori. Why hasn't he figured it out yet?"

"Because," she says sadly. "My husband pays absolutely no attention to me, and there's not a unit of measurement big enough to describe the distance between us. There. You happy now?"

He slides both hands around her waist and lifts her up so that she's sitting on top of the counter. He leans in so that their foreheads touch. "No. Matter of fact, it makes me sick because you deserve," he tilts his head up and kisses her, "much better'n that."

Her hands move to his chest and she pushes him back a little. "No, Shane. That's the thing, though. I don't."

"Now why the hell would you even think to say somethin' like that?"

"Because I'm…a _horrible_ person, that's why. Things get tough in my marriage and I run to my husband's best friend, who I then proceed to put through hell." She pushes him away further. "Shane, I…I fucked Rick last night." She notices the disappointed look on his face and starts talking faster. "I was just so pissed off, so jealous that you were with Andrea, I went after him the minute we got home. But the whole time, all I could even think about was _you_…"

"Is that right?" he asks, looking down at the floor.

"Yes. I mean it. And it's a real problem for me. It's like…even when I'm not cheating I still…feel like I'm cheating." She tries to get down off the counter, but he pushes himself against her, preventing her.

"You love me?" He wraps his hands around her upper back and slides them up through her hair. She closes her eyes and nods. He moves his lips to her neck and drags them across it softly, slowly. "So you feel guilty then, 'bout bein' with him last night and not me?"

She tilts her head back, welcomes his lips. "Yes. Insanely."

"You should." He moves his hands to the waistband of his pants. Hers join them, without even thinking about it. "So how 'bout you make it up to me right now?" By the time he finishes that sentence, they've got his pants are open and he begins working on hers.

She's surprised it's taken them this long, considering it's been four days since they were last together. He kisses her hard as he gets the button open. She lifts herself off the counter slightly, breaking the kiss, as he slides her jeans down. She reaches one arm around his neck and begins to move the other into his pants; he stops her. "Nah, it ain't gonna be so easy this time," he says, pushing her hand away and moving his lips to her ear. "Beg me for it."

"Please, Shane?" she breathes heavily, moving her hand toward him again. "Please? I want you so bad right now."

"Tell me exactly what you want." He pulls away from her and pushes his pants down.

"I wanna feel you inside me. Please."

"Turn around then," he instructs, pulling her down off the counter. She flips around and bends over at the waist, propping herself up on her elbows. He doesn't waste any time with foreplay; he knows she's already wet for him. He shoves himself inside of her, forcing her to moan out loudly, and immediately quickens the pace. She looks up at the mirror, watches him fuck into her hard and fast as she pushes her hips back to meet his, taking him fully inside of her. She watches the faces she makes, wondering how much different they must be from those she makes with Rick.

"Shane…you feel…so good," she moans, unable to take her eyes off the mirror in front of her. She finds a sick sort of pleasure in the fact that her husband is downstairs, probably a few hundred feet away, while she's bent over a bathroom sink, watching his best friend fuck her. _I'll get some attention, one way or another, even if you don't wanna give it to me. _

She can tell by his face that he's close. He stops and turns her around. "On your knees," he tells her, and she gets down, grabbing the base of his cock with one hand and guiding the rest of it into her mouth. "That's right, baby, take it," he says, grabbing her hair and shoving his hips forward, just the way she waited for Rick to last night. A few sucks combined with a few thrusts and he pulls out without warning as he comes, most of it on her face with some spilling out onto her exposed cleavage.

When she's sure he's finished, she stands up. She pulls her pants up, then grabs some nearby paper hand towels and wets them. She cleans herself off in the mirror as he puts his pants back on. "Think you missed a spot right…here," he teases, kissing her neck gently; she slaps him away.

"There is seriously something the matter with you," she laughs, tossing the wad of towels into the garbage. She slides her arms around his waist and rests her head against his shoulder. "Shane, I love you."

"I never get tired of hearin' that." He squeezes her. "So, listen, I was thinkin'…"

"Uh oh, that's never a good thing," she interrupts.

"I'm serious. You know, since he works tonight, why don't…you come stay over?" She immediately becomes apprehensive; he senses it. "Look, I know we haven't…done that before. We'll set an alarm. I'll get ya outta there before…" He pauses. "I wanna know what it's like fallin' asleep next to you," he says softly, kissing her forehead. "Please?"

The very thought of it excites her, but she knows it's not completely safe. "I will _think_ about it. Best I can do." She pulls away from him. "I guess I'll go down first. Wait like five minutes, ok?"

He nods, and she opens the door, looking down both sides of the hallway, shuts it behind her and makes her way back down the staircase.

The sight of Rick stops her dead in her tracks.

He's sitting on the couch, across from the bottom of the staircase, arms crossed, just staring at her. "Hey…I…um…" _Think. _She rambles. "Wasn't feeling well. Figured I'd take my chances in the upstairs bathroom, you…" she swallows, "been in here long?"

"Long enough." His eyes don't move from hers. "You, uh, you seen _Shane_ around?" he asks, slowly, provokingly.

"Shane? No, I…didn't even know he was here. Is he here?"

"Yeah. Came into the house not long after you did, 'cept he never came back out."

She shrugs. "I don't know. You're sure he's not outside? Did you need him for something? We can go check." She descends the rest of the stairs and tries to grab his hand. He pulls away.

"Nah, I think I'm just gonna stay here for a few minutes."

She sits down onto the couch next to him, realizing that she's completely fucked. She bends over, rests her elbows on her knees, and buries her face in her hands. "Rick…" she begins, but stops when she hears footsteps. She looks up and sees Shane; he notices her and Rick at the exact same time. He looks to her and she closes her eyes, bites her lip, and shakes her head lightly.

Rick shifts uncomfortably, looking back and forth between the two of them. "Yeah, that's…pretty much what I figured."

"Rick, man, I…" Shane starts, coming closer to them. He stops. "I…"

"Walk away, Shane." Rick's eyes remain on his wife.

He does as he's told.

She avoids eye contact with her husband until he finally says, "You need to look at me right now." She does; his eyes beg her for an explanation, beg her to fix this and make it all go away, like it's just some fucked up dream from which they can wake at any moment.

"Rick, I'm sorry," she says.


	6. Chapter 6

**A/N: **Language and sex, so don't read on if offended by either.

The drive begins in silence. She glances over at him out of the corner of her eye; his face is fixed, hard but no tears. There is so much she wants to say to him but knows she can't right now. She's done the unthinkable, broken their marriage vows, and there's no way back from this. Though she'd be lying if she said some part of her wasn't relieved at the fact that she no longer has to hide this.

After a few minutes, his voice, though quiet, startles her. "How many times?"

She closes her eyes. "Rick. Don't…"

Suddenly, he swerves the car to the right, tires screeching, and comes to a halt on the shoulder of the two-lane dirt road. He slams it into park and turns it off. For the first time in as long as Lori can clearly remember, he's angry. Really angry. "Don't _what_?" he yells, grabbing the wheel with both hands and resting his head against it briefly before looking over at her. "You owe me answers, Lori, you understand that?" She nods, wide-eyed. "How many times?"

"A lot."

He nods. "How long?"

She looks down at her hands, wringing anxiously in her lap, the way they always did when she was nervous, the way they did that first night with Shane in his car. "Maybe a month or so."

"Right," he says slowly. "The night you came home sick, after we had that fight? Right?"

She nods.

"I knew it. "He's quiet for a minute. "_Why? _Why Shane?"

"Because he," she stops. "He was _there_, Rick."

He nods again. "So you planned it, or did it just happen one day, out of the blue?"

"We were conflicted about it for awhile. We talked about it a lot before we…"

"That's nice," he cuts her off. "So you can't even chalk it up to a stupid mistake. You guys actually sat there and planned how to screw me over. That's real nice." He swallows hard. "So you had him in our home, while I was at work?"

"Yeah."

He taps his fingers against the window. "In our bed?"

She closes her eyes, then admits it. "Yes."

He buries his face in his hands, slightly hunched over. "Oh, God," he says, muffled. He reaches for the door handle, exiting the car and leaving the door wide open. She isn't sure if she should go after him, maybe try to talk to him, or just stay in the car. The next noise she hears is the sound of dry-heaving; she looks into her side-view mirror and sees him doubled over on the side of the road. She decides to stay in the car, despite the fact that she wants to apologize.

As she looks in the mirror again and sees him approaching the car, the passenger door swings open and he grabs her by the arm. He tries to pull her out, but he realizes her seatbelt is still on. He reaches across her to unbuckle it, throws it across her body, and yanks her out of the car by her other arm, causing her to fall to the ground.

For the first time, she's scared of her own husband.

The road they're on isn't very busy, so the chances of a car coming by and seeing them are slim. She isn't sure what to do, if she should run, maybe try to calm him down. There's little time to decide because within seconds, he's also on the ground, on top of her, his arms pinning hers down at her sides. "Rick, you're hurting me…"

He tightens his grip on her arms; she feels them already starting to bruise a little. "Shut up," he growls, eyes hard and fixed on hers. She contemplates trying to escape, maybe trying to kick him off her, but he's just too strong. He's been trained in how to restrain people, and clearly it was effective because she can't move. "I was good to you. I would never think about doing this to you, never even have. Do you…do you know what I wanna do to you right now?"

"Please don't," she begs softly, pathetically. She's shaking beneath him, tears streaming down her cheeks. "Just don't. We can talk about this…"

"You wanna talk about this, Lori? What's there to talk about, how you screwed _Shane_? How my wife is fucking my best friend?" He closes his eyes and shakes his head, like he's trying to swallow something disgusting. "I can't even believe I'm saying that out loud." He shifts a leg so that it's pinning one of hers down, reaches his hand up to her hair. "Fine. Let's talk, then. Was it good? Was he better than me?" He grabs close to the roots and pulls, causing her to cry out in pain. "Give me all the details. Better yet," he moves his other hand between her thighs. "Show me…"

"No, please don't…do this," she protests, squirming underneath his weight.

He drops his shoulder forward, freeing up his other hand but still keeping her down. "Why? This is what you want, right? It's what you wanted last night." He uses it to yank at the button of her jeans while continuing to grab between her legs. She struggles to keep them closed; adrenaline finally kicks in as she realizes what's about to happen.

She somehow manages to get an arm up from under him and swings wildly, catching him with something in between a slap and a punch, right against the side of his face. "Get off of me!" she screams, her voice echoing off the nearby trees.

At that moment, it's as though he's literally snapped back into the reality of the situation. His eyes soften and widen; he lets go of her hair, her arm, and stands up. He backs away from her slowly, runs his hands through his hair, down his arms, nervously. "I'm sorry, I'm sorry," he repeats, horrified at what he's done.

He cautiously extends a hand towards her to help her up but she flinches, rolling herself onto her knees and getting back onto her feet. "God, I'm so sorry. I don't know…I didn't mean…" He tries coming towards her again; she puts her hands up and backs away. She swears she's not going down without a fight, if it means she has to claw his eyes right out of his fucking skull. He fidgets, doesn't know what to do with himself. "Lori, you know I would never…"

"I know _shit_. Do not come near me, do not _touch_ me, Rick."

He locks his hands behind his back. "That's fine. I won't, I promise. Just please get back in the car…"

"Are you psychotic? You think I'm going anywhere with you after…"

"Then I'll walk home, ok? You take the car and just go."

She keeps her eyes on him, but reaches quickly into the passenger side to grab her purse. "Fuck you. You take _your_ car and just go. I'll walk."

"I'm not leavin' you here alone."

"Fine!" She stomps over to the already-opened driver's side door. "Here." She tosses her purse inside before pulling off her wedding and engagement rings. "You wanted details? Here's a detail for you, Rick. He would _never_ put his hands on me like that. This?" She throws the rings at him. "Done. There's no love, no more trust, nothing. We tried, but it's just done. It's over."

"Lori, don't say that…"

"Fine. How's this then? I love _him_,Rick. I'm in love with Shane, not you. Can I say _that_?" She gets in the car, slams the door, and drives away, not bothering to look back once. She fumbles around inside of her purse for her phone, damn-near swerving off the road before she finds it. She flips it open, tries to wipe some tears from her eyes so she can see the screen, and makes the call.

Two rings and he answers, like he was waiting for it. "How bad is it?"

The sound of his voice makes her cry even harder. "Really bad. Come get me? Please?"

"Of course."

They've been sitting together on Shane's bed in silence for nearly 20 minutes, since he'd picked her up from her house and taken her back to his apartment. "Look, you need to tell me what happened," he says, agitated. He gets up off the bed and paces around in front of her. "There's dirt all over your clothes, bruises on your arms. You wouldn't even let me hug you without flinching in the car. What'd he do? Because I swear to God…I'll kill him."

"Please? Stop," she says quietly, finally speaking. "I can't deal with any more anger right now."

"You know it ain't directed at you," he says, sitting back down next to her and grabbing her hand with both of his. "I would never hurt you. You know that."

She nods, placing her hand on top of his. "Thought the same thing about him, too. I knew he was angry. And I mean, he can't be blamed for that…"

"So he did hit you. That son of a bitch…where?" he asks, examining her face. She shakes her head. "What, then?" She gives him a look and watches as it sinks in. "Really?"

"Pulled me out of the car, pinned me down. Started askin' questions about us, then grabbed me. Told me it's what I wanted." She watches him shift uncomfortably. "I got a good hit in on him, and I swear it was like…it was like he just _snapped_, flipped a switch or somethin'. Next thing, he's apologizing, looking absolutely terrified. I probably…I'm probably just being overly dramatic about the whole thing. Either way, I threw my rings at him, told him it was over." She sighs. "And," she reaches her hands up to either side of his face, "I told him I was in love with you. Because I am."

"Well, I'm glad to hear that." He gives her a quick kiss, but she can sense that he's lost in thought. "But Lori, you're not being dramatic. Now we need to handle this. With the bruises, the dirt, it's definitely enough for a restraining order…"

She moves her hand in front of his mouth. "Shane, stop. There's no need for all that. Really. I'm leaving him. That's what you wanted, right? And besides, he realized what he was doing was wrong…"

"Are you…you seriously makin' excuses for him? Fine. I'll just take care of it myself then, you wanna make excuses for him."

"No, you won't. You're not risking your career over this. He screwed up, okay? But didn't we all? I mean, this whole situation…how'd you think it was gonna end? Did you think he'd be totally fine with all of this?"

She watches him roll his eyes. "I can't believe you're makin' excuses. He _assaulted_ you, Lori. Jesus, he arrests people for doin' much less. What if you didn't stop it? Lori, he would've…"

She shakes her head wildly, cutting him off. "No. No, you're wrong. He would've stopped, I know he would've."

"Do you? And just how do you know that?"

"Because," she says sadly. "I wanna believe it. Because justifying it hurts less than knowing that I could turn a good man into _that_." He sighs, annoyed. She continues, "He loses here, Shane. Not us. We get what we want. You go and you do something stupid, and…that changes. Just please promise me you won't. Please?"

He looks away, says nothing.

"Shane? Look at me. You need to promise me you won't do anything stupid. Because if something ever happened to you, I don't think…I couldn't handle it."

"Ain't nothin' gonna happen to _me_," he assures her, sliding a hand across his head. "That I can promise."

The nagging feeling in the pit of her stomach tells her he's wrong, but she doesn't even know what to believe anymore.


	7. Chapter 7

**A/N: **This is the end...thanks for reading! :) Feedback always welcomed and appreciated.

Lori walks through the front door of her home to get some things to bring over to Shane's. She can figure the rest out once the divorce gets underway, but for now, she just gets what she needs.

She pauses with her hand on the doorknob before turning it and walking into her and Rick's bedroom. The bed's been made; on her side of it is a note, and on it are her wedding rings. Not only hers, but his is placed there, too. She doesn't want to read it, but she gives in to her curiosity.

Lori- I'm truly sorry for what I did to you yesterday. That wasn't like me at all. These are yours, even if you don't want them anymore. I can't help wondering if you even bothered to take them off when you were fucking him. You might as well take mine, too, since you've already taken everything else. I loved you. Whatever happens, you did this to us, not me. The same goes for Shane. This was you, not me. My hands are clean. -Rick

"Yeah, they always are, aren't they?" she says aloud, returning the rings and the note to its position on the bed. "That's always been your problem." She grabs a bag and begins packing her clothes, trying in her mind to relive every moment of last night.

Despite everything, it was the best night's sleep she's ever had.

Falling asleep next to Shane was nothing short of everything she's always known she's wanted. They'd talked for hours before falling asleep, and for the first time, it felt completely uninhibited, both of them opening up about things they'd never even touched before. She'd told him in detail about her father walking out on her and her mother when she was 9, which she came to realize probably led her to marry the first man to ever show her even a little bit of attention (and coincidentally, led her to fall madly in love with the second, though she kept that part to herself).

He told her about how when he was 14, a friend of his mother's was staying with them after a nasty divorce. After she'd come onto him a few times, he ended up losing his virginity to her. "We carried on for a few weeks, and when I tried to end it, she went nuts. Gone to my mom and made up a story about how I assaulted her. And she bought it. Beat the shit outta me and sent me to live with my dad the next day." She could hear the pain in his voice as he spoke, felt it as he wouldn't make eye contact with her. "Started disrespectin' women right then and there. Guess I, uh, I never really stopped, huh?"

"I think you're doing okay now," she told him, running a hand across his head and deciding that maybe this shaved look wasn't so bad after all. "I'm sorry that happened to you, Shane."

"Hell, I never told anyone 'bout that, not even Rick." He stopped, then placed a hand on the side of her face. "I ain't gonna fuck this up, ok? I promise. I might've managed to ruin everything else in my life so far, but I'm gonna make you happy or die tryin'."

She nodded, a sudden, sickened feeling overtaking her briefly. She shrugged it off before she answered, "You already do."

"Can't promise we won't fuck the kids up, though," he teased. "Parents always seem to fuck their kids up somehow, don't they?"

"Kids, huh? Wow, moving a little fast, aren't we, Walsh?" she joked, feeling her face get really warm. As caught up as she'd been with all this, she couldn't exactly remember the last time she'd gotten her period. She decided to save that worry for another day. "Betcha got names picked out and everything, huh?"

"Nah." He changed the subject. "So. When'd you first get wet for me?"

She made a face and smacked him on the arm. "Eww. Are you seriously asking me that question right now?"

"Yes, I'm seriously askin' you that question. I wanna know."

"And I suppose you've pinpointed the exact moment you first got hard for me then?"

"Yep."

"And when was that?"

"Oh, no you don't. I asked you first."

"Fine," she agreed, and told him about one particular time a few months ago when he'd crashed at their house after a hard night of drinking. She'd gotten up in the middle of the night to grab a drink of water from the kitchen, and when she walked by the couch, there was just enough light shining in the from the porch that she could see him lying there. "Your shirt was off, your pants were open, and both of your arms were above your head. You were lettin' out these little moans in your sleep…I watched you for about 20 minutes before going back to bed, not that I slept any. I wanted you so bad, took everything in me not to touch you. There. Your turn."

He told her about one of the first times he'd been over to their house for dinner, right after they were married. "I thought you were beautiful the minute Rick started dating you, but that first night you guys had me over for dinner. Rick ran to the store for somethin', and you were gettin' everything ready. I just watched you. You had on this little white t-shirt and tight jeans, and you'd bent over to pick up somethin' you'd dropped." He looked at her, licked his lips. "Man, I would've fucked you right where you stood, you'd given me any indication that you wanted me to."

"Wow, that was like a year ago," she said, thinking about that night and how she'd tried so hard to make everything perfect, but nothing seemed to go as planned. "That dinner tasted like shit, didn't it?"

He laughed. "Yeah, it was pretty bad." He looked over at the clock and realized that they'd lost track of time and there were only about four hours left before he had to be up for work. They crawled under the covers, he turned the light out, she wrapped him in her arms, and he was out within seconds, literally. The last thought she'd had before falling asleep pressed against his back was that there was no possible way she could ever love anything more than she loved this man.

He'd woken her up before leaving for work, warned her that if she was gonna get over to her house, she should do it within the next few hours, before he got home from his night shift. "Okay," she agreed sleepily, hugging him one last time and watching him walk towards the door of his bedroom.

"Hey?" he said, turning to face her.

"Hmm?"

"I lied to you. Last night."

"Huh? Whatta you mean?"

"Carl."

"What? Who's Carl?"

"A boy's name. For the kids we're gonna fuck up someday? Dunno, just always liked the name Carl for some reason. I don't know a thing 'bout girl's names. Probably screwed one of each anyway, so I'll leave that one to you." With that, he winked at her and left for work.

Standing in her bedroom, she remembers the sudden feeling she had last night: when _was_ the last time she had her period? She'd lied to Shane about having it the first night they'd hooked up, but even before then, she couldn't remember. At least a few weeks prior, maybe? She enters the bathroom and puts her bag on the floor. She reaches into the bottom drawer of the vanity and pulls out a test. "Here goes nothing." She takes it, sets it on the counter, and begins grabbing what she needs from the bathroom as she waits.

Surprisingly, she's not anxious, the way she was when she'd taken tests with Rick. The timing might suck, but if it's positive, at least she knows for sure it's Shane's. She smiles, thinking about what a good dad he has the potential to be. Sure, he has his flaws, but so does she. They understand each other, despite all of that, which is more than she can say for her and Rick. It amazes her that she could spend four years with someone and truly not know a thing about him. She wonders how long the divorce will take, how ugly it will get; clearly Rick can be pretty nasty when he wants to be. She wonders if she'll end up marrying Shane. For once, she starts to feel like maybe they _can_ make this work after all…

The doorbell, followed by about five very loud knocks, snaps her out of her daydream.

Startled, she drops her bag and heads out to the living room. She can't imagine who would be knocking this early in the morning, but what she sees when she looks out the living room window causes all of the blood to rush from her face.

She remembers what Rick had told her, right when he'd first started his career. _"And just because you see cars police cars pull up to the house, it doesn't automatically mean that I'm dead. Ok? It could just mean that I'm injured, but if it happens, just try to stay calm and don't assume the worst." _

She's shaking; she swallows hard as she unlocks the door and pulls it open, coming face to face with two officers she doesn't recognize. "Lori Grimes?" the shorter of the two asks. She nods, opening the door for them. The taller of the officers grabs her and helps her over to the nearest spot on the couch, noticing that she can barely stand on her own. He looks back over to the shorter one, and he makes a face before continuing. "I'm afraid there's no easy way to say what I'm about to say…"

"Just say it, please? Don't drag it out," she whispers, her voice trembling. "Just…tell me he's dead."

The shorter one looks towards the taller one, who then speaks. "Lori, there was a situation at the station this morning, and Rick's…" She waits to hear the word _dead_, but she doesn't. "…been taken into custody."

She looks back and forth between the two of them. "Into custody? Into custody, why would he…for what?"

"Look, this is an active investigation and we can't disclose the exact details of what happened…"

"Then why are you here? What the….ok, what are you telling me right now?"

"I'm telling you that we'd appreciate it if you'd come with us so we can ask you a few questions. We'd also appreciate your permission to search your home. If not, we have to wait for a warrant, but we'll get one. Lori, your cooperation might really be able to help shed some light on this…"

"On _what_?" she yells, unable to stop the tears. "Questions? A warrant? Can one of you please explain to me what the fuck is going on right now?"

The taller one puts his arm around her but she shoves it off. The shorter one speaks. "Lori, this is an active homicide investigation. Rick is in custody for…Rick's been…" He drops his face into his hands. "Jesus, Mike, help me out here, man."

"I know this is hard," the taller one, Mike, cuts in. "Rick's been arrested for murder. Now, is there someone we can call for you? A friend, family member, someone who can meet you down at the station later on? It might be a good idea to have some support right now."

She's hearing the words that are being spoken, she knows it's real, but it's one of those situations where everything is in a complete haze, almost like she's watching herself act this out from a distance. "You're telling me that Rick's…_murdered_ someone? He goes after criminals, that's his job. Sometimes things get out of control. I'm sure…I'm sure once you investigate everything, he'll…" She stops, noticing that neither of them will make eye contact with her. "Right?"

"Who can we call for you? Let us help, ok?"

"This is insane." She shakes her head. "Uh, fine. Umm…Shane. Officer Shane Walsh. He's on duty now, but he's the closest friend I've got, the _only_ friend I've got right now. Just…call Shane if you wanna help me, ok?" She watches as both of them continue to look at the floor. She notices the shorter one wiping his face. "What?"

Suddenly, it clicks.

She replays the details of the conversation in her head: _Situation at the station. Active homicide investigation. Rick's a suspect. _The last few lines of Rick's note: _The same goes for Shane. This was you, not me. My hands are clean._

**(end)**


End file.
